Let's Strut Our Stuff

Writing Sexy Older Characters

Years ago, I was surprised to read an article by a Romance author in her fifties recommending to her sister writers that we disguise ourselves and our characters as young. Her reasoning was that young sex gets published and old sex does not. Why not pass, borrow the privilege of youth, and make more money?

But the flip side of passing is the lost opportunity to expand our horizons and educate others. When we let people assume we are different than we are, we allow them to continue their denial. We make a tacit agreement: "I won't rock your boat and you won't treat me as less-than." Passing is helpful in the short term (it got many writers past the “No one wants to read about granny sex” reaction that author Sandra Antonelli encountered from her publisher). But passing has costs: in attitudes that don't change, in lost opportunities for personal growth.

Still, we must choose our battles. For example, I’m not ready to let my hair turn its natural grey. I am not prepared for the uphill slog of proving to each person I meet that I remain vivid and capable. Plus, why shouldn't I have the same right to dye my hair as a younger woman? I respect women who choose to go grey, but it’s not my fight.

Publishing sexy characters past midlife, and encouraging others to do the same, is my chosen battle. This is our voice. This is our opportunity to let others in on the "secret" that women past midlife are vibrant and alive. That when we live in sin, we are blissfully sinning; that when we marry, we want more than a companion; that whether single or in relationship, our sexuality is our innate birthright.

To write past midlife is a fun revolution: a creative way to thumb our noses at the dominant narrative. We write vibrant characters who share our complexity: humans who have lived full lives, loved much, desired much, and experienced much. We play with the materials of our lives: the settings, conflicts, and people that make up our complex tapestry. And what we do when we break age stereotypes is part of the larger struggle for equality. As we push back on gendered ageism, let us support our Sisters of a Certain Age who must also deal with racism, ableism, homophobia, fatphobia, and antisemitism.

In the years since that Romance author suggested we pass for young, Indie publishing has given voice to many who were shut out of traditional publishing. And in response, even the traditional publishing gatekeepers have opened their gates a bit. The publishing category “Seasoned Romance,” for example, includes stories about older characters (although their definition of older characters is over forty—which is lightly seasoned, if you ask me).

So let's be brave and fearless and sexy, let's find our voices, take our paths, strut our stuff. Let us be each other's biggest fans. Let us read books by and for older women. Let us write fearlessly, read joyfully, and love ourselves and each other passionately.

If not now, when?
If not us, who?

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Or you can buy Stella a cup of tea. That’s lovely too.

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For more on how to write sexy older women, check out these books by Stella:

Aphrodite’s Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife and

Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance